I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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