You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
