My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
