i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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