Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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