At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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