so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
