I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
