how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
