...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
