remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You pole danced in your parka.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize