just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
