i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
