love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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