I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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