Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
