there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
