I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
