Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
