She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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