he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
