So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
