I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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