Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
