I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
