Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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