Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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