It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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