Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
