Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
