i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
