Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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