I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
