k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
