what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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