Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
