Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
