Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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