yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
