well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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