i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
