i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
