If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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