I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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