the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
