I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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