we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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