I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cannot find my penis.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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