it was like his penis was on wheels.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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