I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
