dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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