I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
