haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
