you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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