She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
