I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
