Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
