If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
