I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
