the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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