I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
