Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
