We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
