also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
