I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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