why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is my gift to your gina
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
