I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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