Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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