dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
