one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
