You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
