i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
