I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i now understand why vodka
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize