That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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