they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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