Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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