I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
