Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
