my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Say something about gay babies.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
