is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
