I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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