Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
