I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
