I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
