you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
