Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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