bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
