I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
