Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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