maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
