He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
