Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize