look no pants
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
