so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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