It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
