Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
