Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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