I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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