never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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